What do you want?
Simple phrase, big question. I had a yoga instructor in India that would begin every class of Ashtanga Yoga with this question, and it pissed us off.
Were we actually frustrated with his asking of the question or the question itself? In the moment I was frustrated with the idea that we would sign up to become yoga teachers, knowing the schedule, and then during the process be asked again and again “what do you want”.
Now as a coach, I see tremendous value in taking the time to ask and the intention behind asking my clients where they want to go. At the beginning of the conversation, in the middle, at the end. Constantly giving the power to the person who has voiced that they want change. Open ended question after open ended question, we keep giving clients the power to choose, and it is uncomfortable.
From my background in guiding, I was use to making decisions, a lot of them, even to the point of fatigue. To make complex decisions considering behaviors, group dynamics, storm fronts in coastal Alaska in December, big picture momentum of the group and in the moment, snack now or later, decisions. This world of systematic prioritization that is so effective and efficient of bringing these factors into a simple decision - go or stay, now or not, yes or no. And it falls apart when that purpose is gone, making the decision of what to eat for dinner the first time that I am feeding myself in 50 days, standing in the isle of the grocery store with no idea of what I want, for myself, in this moment.
How can it be so easy to know what we want for others, what we would like to give to someone else for Christmas, what we would like to feed our dinner guests, yet so difficult to write our own Christmas lists, choose a meal for ourselves, or set our own life goals or intentions for a coaching session?
I’m curious the role that mental chaos plays in this process. We can watch a friend and know how they should align their actions with the desires they have expressed, but we don’t see the swarm of chaotic thoughts trying to be brought to order in a sea of emotions.
What if we start to look at things in terms of Chaos and Order. Chaos: the things that are not working for us in our lives or creating a friction, that which is out of alignment with our goals or vision or where we feel out of integrity, something that we are tolerating or forming excuses around. We use the term chaos to emphasis the disfunction of it and realize that those things that actually take up a lot more of our thought process, our energy through tolerance, or our emotions. Think about the efficiency of your morning when your closet and kitchen is filled with clutter and you can’t find what you are looking for versus flowing smoothly through an organized space with a plan you made the night before of what to wear and what to eat. How is this similar in your mind? In your body?
Consider these different areas and questions:
Spiritually - “that which is intangible and immeasurable and influences your behavior and energy”. What is your vision, what would you need to do to have more clarity in your vision, and what in your daily life is out of alignment with this vision?
Mental - “brain power or brain functioning”. What is cluttering up your focus, distracting you, or blocking your access to creativity and intuition? What could you accomplish and who would you be without these blocks and thus greater concentration, alertness, and clarity?
Emotional - “things relating to your emotions, along with your moods and feelings”. What awareness do you have of your emotions, and the affect of these emotions on the other areas of your life? How do you express your emotions and do you feel in control of their expression? How do these emotions fuel your life purpose?
Physical - “that which creates a state of physical wellbeing and readiness”. Are you well rested? If you were what could you accomplish, what would change in your life if you were a deeply rested and thriving version of your life? What impact does exercise and diet have in your life? What are the ripple effects of your habits in these areas?
Social - “related to society and the people who are around you”. How do others influence you? Do they pull you up into the version of yourself you desire or hold you back into someone of your past that you are evolving beyond? What is your communication style and is it effective? How does your communication style relate to your values? Do you feel accepted by others?
Environmental - “the settings and/or conditions in which you work and perform”. Does your office, home, etc, enable the work you want to do, the way you want to feel in your life, the habits that you want to cultivate? Do those habits come with ease?
There are so many parts of our lives, and it makes so much sense that things would feel somewhat hectic, chaotic, or at least confusing at times. I am all about micro experiments these days. Where could I try experimenting with slightly more order in my life and see what happens? Maybe my closet, my desktop on the computer, the stack of books on my nightstand… where can I bring just a little more order into the chaos and observe what happens?
