Imposter Syndrome
“Why were the highly accomplished so dogged in their pursuits? For most, there was no realistic expectation of ever catching up to their ambitions” Angela Duckworth, author of GRIT.
I’m the one that burnt out trying to change the industry standard of accepting burn out. Maybe it’s not just an industry thing, somehow we are in this societal standard of accepting burnout… we can unpack that further at another time.
I could no longer tolerate giving my power away in expecting someone else to take care of my and not knowing how to take care of myself (like deep, healing, trauma reversing care) and how to care for my peers to the same depth.
It was no longer tolerable how tired I was everyday in my off time, how emotional I was (I’m normally emotional, but this was a little out of control), how little passion and direction and spark I had. I started trying to change things on the outside to make space for things on the inside. I chose to farm sit rather than work wilderness therapy so I could prioritize self care with some level of routine and responsibility in a beautiful place. I quite my field guide job and took another, again prioritizing the lifestyle that allowed for as much sleep as I needed, and I moved to Northern Alberta. I fully burnt out here because I felt disconnected from my purpose and that I was just spinning on the hamster wheel and not making a difference. I moved back home and tried an overwhelmingly large project to build myself the space that I needed for myself and to have a big challenge to work toward.
It didn’t work… it all just pushed the pattern further until it all felt like it was falling apart. When I didn’t know where to be in the world, and this finally lead to getting real with a meditation practice because there was no where else to run and search. All I could do was just be as present as I could right here, right now. It finally lead to looking deeply within, to changing habits to get deeply rested and find greater alignment. And sign up for more mentorship and coaching to be better able to share what I had learned and experienced.
And then here we are, having come so far and still thinking there is so far to go before I am “ready”. But turns out, there is a name for that, and it is so totally normal it isn’t just a standard in one industry but in the human journey. How can I possibly lead the journey for others in their formation of daily habits when I am still working on my own? Perfectly actually, we all can, because we are right in there with everyone. It is the most perfect human journey if ever there was one. Leading and teaching is part of the journey toward mastery. We grow in a very real way when we lead others, with humility, in the direction we are all headed.
Daily I work with the duality of accepting and embracing that I am enough, right here and right now, no mater what has been done and what is left undone, AND that I will always be striving to do better and be better and learn more and dial in my habits to a higher degree and love deeper and accept more fully and have less judgement in every part of my life….
Super normal. It’s all very normal and real and acceptable. Here’s some more from GRIT and Angela Duckworth for your enjoyment:
“In their own eyes, they were never good enough. They were the opposite of complacent. And yet, in a very real sense, they were satisfied being unsatisfied. Each was choosing something of unparalleled interest and importance, and it was the chase - as much as the capture - that was gratifying. Even if some of these things they had to do were boring, frustrating, or even painful, they wouldn’t dream of giving up. Their passion was enduring.”
I have a suspicion that this mindset is a big contributor to dodging burnout and pushing back against imposter syndrome. I’d love to hear your thoughts, shoot me a message here.
