January 1st, 2021
How did you feel on January 1st, 2021?
In the final weeks of 2020 I was lead on a journey that really focused on “how do you want to feel when you wake up on January 1st?” From this question we worked to get more clear on how we each wanted to feel and what action we would need to take, what habits we needed to dial in and stay true to for the holiday season. A lot of this came down to what food we would each eat and when, that when we eat a lot, we also need some time to digest, and I learned a lot about the role of fasting in our lives and the pulsation that feasting and fasting brings.
What we did not at any point talk about was placing all of our hopes that everything we did not want in our lives would magically disappear when 2020 (aka the root of all things evil and unsettling) ended.
On January first I went to the local ski hill. This is the first year that I have been somewhere other than our family farm for the holidays, and as much as I missed them and the traditions we have, I also enjoyed the experience of spending time with friends for both Christmas and New Years, and skiing on all of these days. On Christmas the vibes I experiences were jolly and appreciative, everyone wishing each other a Merry Christmas and looking out for one another. The day felt really special. On New Years day I went to the hill feeling festive and excited for the reflection and vision boards and excitement for another year and there were grumpy people butting in front of others in long lines with frowns on their faces. Was it because of the cold wind up top? Or more people coming out to celebrate the New Year and thus the longer lines? Probably - but I also wonder if there was a feeling of disappointment. 2020 had ended but the pandemic, restrictions, etc. had not.
I found it so interesting to bring these two different outlooks to contrast each other. The idea of looking outward - that discomfort is someone else’s fault or the result of circumstances outside of our control. It’s because of Covid that things aren’t going well, that I miss my family and my holidays are ruined, that I can’t travel, etc. Because all the challenges people faced in 2020 are not actually the fault of the number 2020, they didn’t magically end.
A lot of my 2020 journey (which of course began long before 2020, but these were the themes and what was more apparent to me in this year) was around looking toward an inward faith. The idea that we have an intuitive wisdom, that God lives within us, that we are made up of the cosmos and that the inherent abundance of the universe is also inherently abundant within us. When I find myself falling back into those old thought patterns of 'I just need to get to_____and then _____' or "when I finish _______ I'll be ready". I learned so much about this tendency to give our power away. We give it to other people when we wait to be accepted by them rather than accepting ourselves, we give it to tomorrow when we think we are not good enough today but need to accomplish something much bigger than ourselves first, and we throw it wildly into the world when we let the daily events of others be in control of our outlook on life.
Yesterday I got caught up in it too as I stood in a long line at the hill glaring at people that were cutting in front of the 50 people standing patiently in line for gondola rides up the hill. It felt awful, rather than enjoying the chance to be outside I fumed about the inconsiderate people that wreck things for everyone else…. I tainted my perfectly good January 1st by focusing on those that were not taking their proper place in the line. January 2nd is another start and a good reminder to look inward rather than outside.
